I was having lunch with my husband today, and next door to the restaurant was a vitamin/supplument place. I decided to have a look inside to see if I could find that pesky sublingual B6. Little did I know, this was no ordinary vitamin shop.
This was a nutrition shop for…
Okay, I need to be honest. I don’t really get the whole Body Building! thing. I’m not gonna knock the lifestyle, but I really don’t get it. Really huge people make me nervous. Like they might explode at any second, splattering Muscle Milk and rage all over the place. Okay, maybe I am knocking the lifestyle a bit. Sorry. It just weirds me out is all. I can’t explain it and I can’t find an excuse. It just gives me the willies.
The BODY BUILDING! stuff in GMC makes me pretty uncomfortable. Imagine my feelings when I walked in and was greeted by a large poster identifying the establishment as a place. “WHERE MEN BECOME MONSTERS” with a large, potentially explosive man flexing and howling underneath the words. The snarling German fellow* on the pamphlet by the register continued the Body Building! theme, as did the photographs of what I can only assume were happy, flexing customers on the wall beside the register.
Did you know that there is such a thing as “POWER BUTTER”? I was too afraid to pick it up to see what it was. Probably explosive. They also sold dog food, which puzzled my husband and I. Yep. Dog food. High quality stuff too. Right next to the HIGH CARBON PROTEIN POWDER shake mix. Probably only for large breed dogs, though. (Ha! Thank you! I’ll be here all week!) Also a giant man in a tiny tank-top and ski-hat selling what he purported to be a cure for headaches, insomnia, allergies, herpes, liposuction, and possibly irritable bowel. At the time, we politely declined the offer for a demonstration. What if he suddenly started flexing? My husband told me later that it was a wristband of sorts, which I actually would have been curious about, but by that point I was so intimidated by the BODY BUILDING! atmosphere that I just wanted to ask about my vitamins and leave.
I felt like a whippet at a pit-bull party.
The folks behind the counter were very nice, although they weren’t able to order what I was looking for. If the theme of their store was discomforting to me, I’m sure they can be forgiven. After all, my husband and I, while not puddin’ pies aren’t exactly excercise-addicts, are certainly not their target market. BODY BUILDING!, which certainly does require special capitalization, is a profoundly different culture than what we are accustomed to.
So the quest for sublingual B6 continues. Maybe by the weekend my local health food store will have come through for me.
*”How could you tell he was German?” asked my husband. “He looks German! Look at the hair!”